“My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food…
when I remember you upon my bed,
and meditate on you in the watches of the night.”
Earlier this week my wife and I had the excellent opportunity to stay at the Haven River Inn in Comfort, Texas. On Tuesday evening, we ate at the Subway there in Comfort and at 4 o’clock in the morning, I discovered that the Subway food and I were having a large disagreement in my belly. For quite a while, I rolled around and could not fall asleep as the battle raged on in my belly. Giving up the fight for sleep, I reached over, grabbed my phone and began browsing through social media, blogs, etc. for an hour.
My wife eventually woke up and I flipped on the lamp and began reading Psalm 63 and in verse 6, the Holy Spirit dropped the hammer upon my heart. In my rolling around, searching for sleep and relief from the Subway-stomach carnage, I never once prayed and asked God for relief. I never once thought back to the Scripture I memorized for just such an occasion. I didn’t even pull up the YouVersion Bible app on my phone to read the Bible for comfort. Instead I sought comfort in the backlit, blue light screen of my iPhone. I did not exemplify Psalm 63:6 (which is quoted above).
Psalm 63:1 says, “O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.” I love this verse; it is one of my favorites in all of Scripture and it is what I aspire and hope would describe me. But if these things are true, if I truly and earnestly desire the Lord, then why was the Bible the last place to which I turned?
The answer is not that I do not love Scripture or do not love God. But the answer is that earnestly seeking the Lord, having a soul which thirsts and yearns for the Lord is a daily and lifelong process with many victories and failures. I failed to turn to Scripture because I was not trusting that God could take care of my problem or provide comfort. However, I did think that my phone would provide the comfort I needed. I failed to trust God.
But even amid the failures, the Lord is gracious and plants the seeds of victory. If I would not have failed, I would not have realized how easily distracted my mind can be and how I do not turn to the Lord in moments of crisis and pain. But through my failure, the Lord showed me these things and now they will be more and more present in my mind the next time a small crisis arises.
“Thank You, Lord God, for showing me that I was not trusting and finding my comfort in you. Please Lord, help me and every Christian to find our comfort, not in our phones, or something else, but to find our comfort in you.”